“This is Halloween Weather”
A metaphor for difficult conversations
A student bounded out of the building into the windy, drizzly weather with crunchy leaves circling above as I walked up the stairs to enter the Stover Campus Center at Waynesburg University. He exclaimed, with a little glimmer in his eye, “This is Halloween weather!” then descended out of view.
Little did I realize how fitting that observation would be for the work ahead.
Rev. Liddy Barlow and I were on campus to lead a “Conversations Across Differences,” training for 40 Bonner Scholars. We laid the foundation for the afternoon by asking students to cultivate active listening skills grounded in mutual respect and empathy. During the training, students learned why talking about difficult topics was important, the internal factors that it takes to successfully engage, and the six steps to having an effective learning conversation as derived from the Harvard Negotiation Project. The students were then ready to practice engaging in one-on-one conversations about a time they were misunderstood, unseen, or judged.
A few student reflections stay with me. One remarked that this was the first time in discussing a specific topic that she truly felt heard. Another, hesitant in raising her hand to share her observation, stated that she regularly collaborates with the student she was paired with, but that they had misconceptions about each other that were cleared up after this 10-minute discussion.
Conversations that may seem scary are a reality that we’re all going to face, personally and professionally, throughout our lives. The earlier we learn the skills and tools to guide us through them, the better these conversations and ultimately our relationships will be. Stepping out into "Halloween weather" - those chilly, unpredictable moments of uncertainty - reminds us that facing the discomfort of daunting discussions is the first step in fostering understanding and strengthening our connections.
Emily Holmes is the Senior State Program Officer in Pennsylvania.
