5 Family-Friendly Peacebuilding Skills To Practice At Home

Lots of students are counting down the days to their longest stretch of freedom outside of summer. While most people are excited about extra family time, wrangling all of your favorite personalities everyday can get overwhelming. 

Fear not, the same peacebuilding skills we use to connect across differences can also help your family keep the peace during winter break. We break down some of our favorites that you and your kids can use to keep calm while you’re stuck in the house together enjoying a lot of each other’s company. You may still be desperate for school to start again, but hopefully a little bit less than last year.

Open your ears, not your mouth.

We often listen to each other so we know what to say back. Instead, everyone should try listening to understand what the other person is feeling. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute and see if you get where they’re coming from before responding. Maybe their anger, frustration, or sadness will make more sense to you.

Know what bugs you and when you need a break.

We all have things we like and don’t like. When something you don’t like is happening, it can be frustrating. Being frustrated is totally ok. So is taking a step back if you need a break. This goes for kids from one to 92 (and beyond). We’re never too young or too old to know our needs—and our breaking points. It’s important to give everyone the freedom to take the space they need. And model the same behavior.

Focus on where you want to go, not who started it.

There’s a chance that you were right and the other person was wrong. Good for you. But ask yourself: will arguing over that help you get where you want to go? Maybe there’s a trip to the playground or movie theatre on the line. Or you’re going to be late to dinner at grandma’s house. Focus on how you can reach your shared goal (eating grandma’s freshly baked cookies) and how much faster you can get there if you work together.

Everyone can make good choices. Starting now.

Another big one for the whole family. None of us are perfect. We all make questionable decisions from time to time. But we can always make better choices, even if we *just* made a not-so-good one. 

It’s not really about the facts—it’s about the emotions.

We often talk about understanding a person’s “why.” Most of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions come from that why. So if the conversation is about whose shirt it is, the underlying emotions probably don't have much to do with the shirt. Maybe a younger sister feels cool wearing her big sister’s clothes and an older sister wants more privacy, autonomy, and respect. Getting to those emotions can help everyone understand each other, and keep us from repeating the same issues over and over again.